Stupid eaters
ishtar | 08 May, 2008 05:32
For a while I worked in a restaurant in the small town next to us. It was Ruby Tuesdays. Now I had been serving for while and the amount of stupid people just amazes me. Also the lack of humor is pretty great too. I heard the same jokes all the time.
So one night I am working, and I go up to a table of 6. 2 adults and their four kids. Dad orders a steak, and the following goes:
"Sir, how would you like that cooked this evening?" (me)
(Him) On the grill.
(me) *laugh a little* No really how would youl ike that cooked.
(him) On the grill.
(me still thinking he kidding) That was funnier the second time. Shall I put down medium well for you?
(him) What does that mean.
(me, reallizing he is serious) It means that the steak is still slightly pink on the inside.
(him) Well child no, if I wanted it that way I would have killed the cow myself.
(me) Um okay.
(Him) I wanna see your manager. I don't like the way you are treating me.
I told my manager, we laughed, he went out and calmed the situation and then got them a new server because I couldn't stop myself from using a souther dumb accent whenever I was talking. It was freaking funny.
What kind of idiot doesn't know about that stuff. Did they grow up under a rock? If it had been a 17 year old kid, maybe, but a 40 something year old man? What does his momma still order all his food for him? Geez.
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D & Parenting
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 13:52
So lets refresh.
D is:
A stay at home mom who homeschools her daughters.
A fashion designer
A moderator of a popular yahoo group.
So one would think that since she is homeschooling her kids she wouldn't need a nanny ....right?
She placed an ad in the paper. Nanny needed, room provided, must be oncall 24 hours a day. Pay $100 per week.
The room? A renovatec building in the back yard that has a bedroom, a bathroom and a living room....NO KITCHEN. But they provide a microwave and a dorm fridge.
Doesn't that make you want the job?
Oh wait, maybe if she has a nanny she'll have time to clean her house (its a MESS) or feed her kids something other than McDonalds or cold cereal for dinner.
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D & Designing clothes
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 13:41
So I've always thought that to be a clothes designer you had to have some kind of knowledge of sewing and clothes construction RIGHT?
D wants to be a fashion designer for kids. She created said website for selling her creations. Sounds like a great idea right? WRONG
She can't sew, has no eye for color combinations and has no clue about how clothes go together! She asked ME to teach her to sew. Now I find out that her "original designs" are from a magazine published in Europe complete with patterns!
Here's a sample...remember this is for a little girl.
And now, its not how its hanging....the bottom is actually that uneven!
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Dirty old man Part 2
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 13:36
So the dirty old man brings his computer over for me to fix. My mother in law is here. He pulls me to the side and asks "Who is the babe? Is she available?"
Can we say EWWWWWWW
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You might be an asshole if
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 13:26you ignore the house with the junk cars and dumpster in the front yard to put a note on your neighbors mailbox asking them to mow the yard because it's being to look like a redneck lives there!
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You might be a redneck if....
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 13:23you buy a popup camper to go deer hunting in, add an air conditioner and park it in the woods.....with no way to plug it in and no generator.
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Our Youth
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 13:07
Last fall we had an amazing display of the intelligence of the youth in our neighborhood.
Picture this, we have no street lights in our neighborhood and our steet is a hill. Now add in 1 convertible with the top rolled down, 1 teenage Paris wannabe sitting on the door of the car, 1 ski rope tied to the trunk, 1 teenager on a skateboard holding the rope, and the car going UP the hill. Enter 1 cop car going down the hill. Cop sees the car pulling the skater up the hill, skater sees the cop, skater lets go of the rope, skater continues to go up the hill thanks to the speed he was being pulled at. Cop hits blue lights, convertible stops. Cop gets out, asks the teenager why they think pulling a skater with the car up the road in the dark was a good idea. And the driver says.........We weren't pulling him. The cop did not fall for it.
Enter teenage drivers father wants to know what is going on. Cop tells Daddy that the kids were pulling the skater up the hill. Daddy says "No, officer, they certainly were not!"
Teenage girl starts laughing and you could tell she was looking at some video she recorded on her cell phone. Cop looks at the video. Driver gets a ticket, Dad gets a ticket (for no insurance). You guessed it...it was video of the kid being pulled by the car!
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D & Freecycle
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 12:44
Now in case you haven't heard of it, there is a "movement" called Freecycle. Its made up of yahoo groups for different areas. People give away things that might otherwise end up in the landfill. It's a good thing. Give and take and helps the landfills. I'm a member of one local group and a moderator of another. You can find all kinds of craziness on Freecycle. For instance, a fridge or a working 48" TV. People want to get rid of it because they are moving or whatever.
And in case you don't know me, let me say right up front, I have nothing against "Big Girls". I'm a big girl, my best friend is a big girl, so I'm not holding anything against the big girl.
So where does D fit into this? Here's where. Over the weekend there was a person who made several posts on Freecycle. She was giving away bustiers, wigs, hooker heels and several other "suggestive" items. Now the bustiers that she was giving away were used and size 38. I laughed when I saw the posts. I thought "Ok, someone is giving away some halloween costumes."
A few hours later I saw taken posts and who took the items. They were taken by D and M (a friend of D's). D is a really big girl. There is no way that she could fit into a 38. Period, its not happening. She might get one boob in a 38, but certainly not both! And M, yeah thats not happening either. You would have to add 30" to put her in a 38. But between the two of them, they took all the hooker wear. D started it out and so it didn't look like she was taking to much, M took the rest. INCLUDING the fish net stockings. Ok, D is in her mid 20's I could see her wanting fish nets. But M is in her 60's. The very thought of her in them, well, its not pretty.
So I bring this up to Charley and we both get a good laugh about it. I have nothing against someone wanting to sex it up with clothes to get their mans attention or to play sex games or whatever. Its not my business what people do in their bedrooms, their living rooms, kitchens or where ever, but please, can you get your "sexy clothes" from somewhere besides freecycle?
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Affairs of the heart & keyboard
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 08:37
Ok, if you are going to have an online affair, its probably not a good idea if you are married to a geek. And remember kids, its not always a good idea to get married and "forget to tell your parents". And the third lesson of this story, don't attempt to play a player.
Take the case of the newlyweds in Phoenix, AZ. They get married in November by January he still hasn't told his parents that they indeed were married. In fact, he had told NO ONE he was married. Wife was less than happy about this. In this story, the Husband is a wannabe geek and the Wife is a full blown geek. They both have their own computers and their own Live Journal blogs. Both have an extensive friends list on their favorite chat programs. Wife started noticing that whenever she got around Husband and he was chatting, he would close all chat windows. So one day when Husband was at work, Wife decided to turn on the message archive option to save all messages. She let a week go by and then checked the messages. He was chatting with a woman he worked with, usually not a problem. Unless you are talking about "stolen kisses by the mailbox" and how he hopes that his "roommate" doesn't find out. OPPS
Now you have one very pissed off Wife. She went to the internet to get her revenge. He never mentioned his marriage in his Live Journal because all his friends and family read it. So Wife goes and leaves a comment in his Life Journal. She first told about their beautiful wedding and how sad she was that none of his family and friends could attend. Then she went on to everyone about the affair that he was having with a chick at work. And she changed his password so he couldn't go in and delete the comments.
After she was finished with her husband journal, she started gathering information on his piece on the side. Turns out that she was married too. So Wife found the phone number and called her husband, then faxed over the chat transcripts.
Then came the fallout: All Husbands friends read the Life Journal and then called Husband mother and sister and told them to read it! Husband was in a world of shit. When Husband came home from work that night wife confronted him all this information. Husband denied kissing work bitch. Wife showed him the proof. Then Wife told him that she posted it all in his Live Journal and that all his friends and family had since posted comments yelling at him for not telling him he was married. Seems he was embarrassed because he married an older woman. Lucky for him that his mommy and daddy were forgiving because Wife threw him out.
He went to live with Mommy and Daddy for the next 5 years!
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Busted
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 08:00
Because of the identies of the people in this tale, I won't be using names or initials. But its one of the funniest stories I have ever heard.
I will refer to them as Wife, Husband, Best Friend and OL for online lover.
Husband and wife had been married for 2 years and wife was apparently bored. She meet someone online and started having an online affair. She sent the OL several pictures of herself in nighties. She sent these from an email address that Husband didn't know about or so she thought. Husband took a solo vacation back to Alabama to see a friend of his. Wife chatted with OL and Best Friend about her online affair while Husband was gone.
Husband comes back from vacation, everything is good for 2 weeks. Then one day Husband calls Wife at work and tells her that he knows about her online affair because he installed a keystroke monitor on her computer. He's seen the conversation between her and Best Friend about her OL. Wife doesn't miss a beat, she tells him that they were talking about Best Friend's OL. What Wife doesn't know is that he's already called Best Friend. Best Friend told him the same exact thing. (The women had not discussed this, but both told the same story!)
Both women insisted that Husband didn't have a clue as to what he was talking about and that his monitoring software was obviously broken. Husband actually believed this for about 10 minutes, but he kept reading the files and found a link to the email that Wife had sent OL. She was so busted.
End result, Best Friend and Wife still laugh about being busted. Wife and Husband divorced. And the funniest part....Husband was pissed because Wife was having an online affair but didn't consider why she was doing it....because HUSBAND WAS GAY.
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Things you find on computers
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 07:40
So I'm a computer tech, I have been for 20 years. I thought I would share a few "computer related" stories.
First there's the Credit Union Vice President. Nice guy to talk to, but his computer held his secrets. Work laptops are great, you get to take them home and do your work and its not like you left the office. But you have to remember a few basic things. If you are someone you shouldn't be, clear your tracks. Don't call the IT department and complain that your computer is running slow until you have. This was his downfall. His computer was running slow because of all the porn he had on it. Teen porn at that. Since I had to "back it up" I got to make cd's of his porn collection. I took off 3 cds of teen porn. Some of it was questionable, they didn't look 18 to me! When he was pulled into the CEO's office to discuss his surfing habits, I had to be there to prove that he had it all on there and that he was doing it during work hours. Not hard as it all had timestamps. He then decided that someone else was using his machine. Another bad move, since the account information for high profile clients was on his computer, that meant that he was leaving his computer unsecured. Which in itself was a reason to fire him. When he was told this, he admitted that it was his. End result, he was fired. On his way out of the office, he asked me for copies of the CD's so he wouldn't have to find it again. How stupid is that?
Recently I worked on a man's computer, cleaning it up, making it faster, etc. He had strange viewing habits. His favorite porn....gramma and grandson, father/daughter, mother/son. I puked. I never let on to him that I found it. But I told him that he needed to watch where he was going on the net because thats where he was getting the virus. His told me he didn't visit porn sites. He kept bringing the computer back to me to get virus and spyware off that he was catching on the porn sites. After a few weeks I installed a firewall on his machine and prevented him from going to those sites. Complete with a popup window that told him his computer condom was preventing him from getting a horrible sexual virus by preventing him from visiting the site he wanted. He hasn't called me in a while.
The people across the street had problems with their computer, asked me to take a look at it. Seems the teenage girl was complaining about a virus and the computer running slow. Yes, she did have a virus from downloading stuff. Not a big deal. I cleaned it off and told her to be more careful. She didn't have a problem with that after her parents were told of the videos of her in her panties only shaking her butt and sending it to various different males. Two years later and I still don't think she's allowed online.
So remember, EVERYTHING you do online or on your computer can be traced. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want your mother or your computer tech to know.
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WHAT?
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 06:21
So I got referred to work on this older man's computer and its been wild. The very first day he drops his computer off, he seemed nice. I invited him in and started looking at his computer. In the mean time he wants to make conversation. I'm ok with that, I can multi-task. So he starts asking about my family and if I was married. Yes, I'm married. What's your hubby do? (at the time) He's a district manager for a major music store chain. Oh does he travel alot? Yes, he does, he's only home every other week. So tell me Lori, do you get enough with him traveling so much?
WHAT?
What? did this 70 something man just ask about my sex life? WTF
Yes, I do. His answer makes him the worst man on earth. Oh because I don't, my wife has fibromyalgia and we don't have sex all that often. I changed the subject.
Before he leaves, he changes the subject back. It goes like this:
Him: Lori I'm really looking for a nice lady that can give me some on the side.
Me: Sorry, I don't know alot of people around here
Him: What about you?
Me: I'm happily married
Him: Ok, well if you run across anyone let me know.
OMFG he was making a pass at me!
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Paris? Is that you?
prncssgeek | 06 May, 2008 06:16
Spotted yesterday....bleach blonde neighbor wearing jeans so tight she couldn't breathe, hair perfectly done, clown-thick makeup. No she wasn't going out on the town...she was going in the back yard to weed the flower beds.
She must have been putting on a show for the man that directly behind her. Maybe she's trying to get his attention again. I haven't seen him over for "coffee" all winter. Yes thats right. Mr Backdoor Neighbor would cut across the yards to join Ms. Thing for coffee after the kids had gone to school and hubby had gone to work.
I wonder if that was what was keeping her to busy to answer the door.
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Fire Bugs
prncssgeek | 05 May, 2008 15:20
So you have heard about the neighbors to the right, lets move on to the neighbors on the left. Nice family unit, single mother and adult male son with disabilities. He fell off a truck when he was 18 (because of some girl) and suffered brain damage. But they really are nice. They bought the house almost 2 years ago and have made great progress in making the yard look less like a forest and more like a cozy country yard.
Now, as most people know I'm a treehugger. I have been all my life. In the immortal words of a famous band "How we gonna live without them trees?"
The people next door have the same ring of trees around their property that we do. I like to let the leaves stay on the ground. It provides good ground cover, holds in the water and when they get rotten, they feed the trees. Neighbors like to rake theirs. Not a problem, they also like to burn them. Again, not a problem unless you do something stupid like leave them burning all night or leave them burning unattended.
Last week, I was outside smoking late at night and noticed that the neighbors still had their fire burning. I saw shadows and thought there was someone out there with them. Didn't think much of it. The next morning I'm out smoking. (I don't smoke in the house.) And I noticed that the fire was still going. And there is no one around it. There are no cars in the drive, apparently no one is home. They NEVER park in the garage. Since I don't know them well enough to go into their yard and put the fire out, I call the fire department who directs me to 911. I tell the lady at 911 that no one is home and apparently the fire has been burning all night. She asks why I didn't call last night because there is no burning after dark. Told her if I would have known that I would have0called last night. She says she'll send a truck over. 10 minutes later a big fire truck with 2 fireman shows up. One comes to talk to me, the other goes and POUNDS on the door. He gets no answer. I tell the fireman that its been burning all night and now its still burning and no one is home. I also tell him that I had spent time in CA and was worried about the "controled" fire jumping to my ground cover. He understands and they grab a hose and start putting the fire out. I'm puttering around in my yard and I notice that the two beautiful big dogs that live there appear out of no where. I think, hmmm wonder where they came from.
The fireman get the fire out and the young one comes to talk to me. While we are talking the garage door starts opening. OMG they ARE home! I apologize to the fireman for wasting his time and he said there was no reason to apologize, they may have been home, but the fire was still unattended and they were still getting a ticket. So I still felt like an idiot.
I think what irked me more than anything was we have been on a fire watch for weeks now because of the drought and the low humidity. How stupid can they be leaving a fire burning all night with no one watching?
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HELP ME!!!!
ishtar | 03 May, 2008 18:25
THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!
So in our small little town, offically there is one grocery store. It's pretty big these days because the big wigs decided we needed a huge one for our town of like zilch.
They hire teenagers. I don't even really think there is technically a high school in our small town. I think all of these kids go in the next town over. I'm not sure. Luckily for me, I was NOT raised here.
So my five year old daughter and I were in the grocery store. We were purchasing stuff for dinner that evening, and she began to whine for candy. Being the pushover I am, while we were in the check out line, we proceeded to have a conversation about how GRANDMA would kill me if she knew. My daughter keeps calling me Mommy during the conversation. Our cashier even chimes in, and is paying attention to the conversation.
We go to pay, and my daughter looks at me for the hundreth time and says Mommy can I please have candy. I look at her and say, I've already said yes child.
The cashier goes "wait, she's your daughter? I thought you were her big sister."
My response, "I let all random children call me Mommy over and over again."
She just kind of looked at me.
DUH!!!!! Just another example of prime stupidity in this town.
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